Senior Year is Here... or it will be one day

For our home, this moment in time is finally here. The school year is just days away, and I have had moments where I've felt broken, like a piece of my heart is already miles away. I have been flooded with questions and overwhelmed with sadness.

There are hundreds of school-time memories going through my head like a slow-motion video of my life with her. I remember holding my sweet girl's hand, walking her into those first days of elementary school, again and again. I remember her being pulled from my hand, screaming hysterically, having to leave me for the school day. And then I remember watching her boldly walk into the halls of middle school and embrace lockers and schedules and mean girls. And, as the high school years rolled on, I remember her adorable wave as she backed out of the driveway the first time she drove her car by herself.

I remember it all. I am overwhelmed with memories that could fill a book, and yet it feels like it went by in a flash. It's like someone just sucker punched me in the heart. It can almost feel suffocating for brief moments. This letting go thing—I am just not ready.

I want every moment of this year to be even more memorable than all the years before it. I want to firmly cement what home means in her heart and mind so her compass will always point her back to us. My wants for her are endless. I love this child of mine and have so loved the gift of getting to be her momma.

While I am sad that my time getting to raise her and shepherd her—and see her and hug her and love on her each and every day—is about to change in drastic ways, I am thankful for so many, many reasons.

I am thankful that I have a Heavenly Father who has been shepherding me on this journey. I am thankful that my husband and I have taken parenting to His feet together every moment of our kids' lives. I am thankful that, in that surrender, we have found peace.

For many parents, senior year becomes a time of reflection and regret—the same sadness I feel about her moving on, but tangled up with missed opportunities to release them well.

Sure, I have many regrets as well. Regrets about times I didn't handle things right, times I had no patience, moments when I wasn't being the woman I wanted them to see, times I lost my temper, times I was probably just a detached mom not giving enough attention. My regret list is long, and it hurts. And I have taken it to Jesus so many times and prayed, "Lord, help cement the good memories and let those push the bad ones too far back in their minds to remember."

But I don't have regrets about how we have raised our girls. I don't have regrets about how that has made them who they are. And I have no regrets that give me any pause about my oldest starting out on this new journey in less than a year. I can confidently say that by raising our kids with a Kingdom focus and parenting on purpose, I am not sad about releasing her.

That's a big distinction.

My heart is sad because I will genuinely miss her. Terribly. Painfully. But I have such immense joy and expectation because He has her. And He has been guiding her, and she has been leaning into Him her whole life. I am excited for her. I am thrilled to see how He uses her.

And I am beyond grateful for the grace He has given our whole family as we have journeyed to this point.

It's not an easy road. And this last stretch of the trip isn't fun. How I wish I could keep her. Always.

But, oh, how I know that would rob the world of the gifts He has been working in her. I know this truth- we have raised her well. And she is ready.

My heart will catch up to this truth during the year ahead. And through each moment, I will lean into her and delight in her. I don't want to miss a moment watching her as she prepares to launch. And I am so thankful for His leading us to this moment and so excited to see what else He has for her.

If you aren't on this walk with me, you will be before you know it. They say it goes by fast.

Mom- you have no idea. Too fast.

Nothing you are doing today should come before raising your child. Nothing. And there is no age that is too late to start parenting them on purpose. Regrets are to be expected.

But regret over their eternity isn't one you want at the forefront of your mind when they're tossing their cap in the air. It needs to start now. Your child is worth what those changes to your home might cost you personally. Their future with you for all eternity is worth taking stock of where they are on their walk with Jesus. And where you want them to be before you let go. If you are on this walk, my prayer for you is that you soak it all in. That you spend every minute encouraging them to make the most of their senior year- and then to make the most of any family time you get. I pray you lead them well, parent them on purpose, and release them with His peace. Remember, it is never too late. And it is always a priority to make sure Jesus stays fletched to their arrow, keeping them flying steady and true on His path.